“It is said that most people spend their lives regretting the past and fearing the future;
therefore, they are unable to experience joy in the present.”
― David R. Hawkins, Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender
Regrets are painful bookmarks in your story. There is a better way to use the past. Instead of holding on to regrets, imagine your experiences as milestones to the person you are now.
How do you flip the script? Release the pain and keep the lesson. Hanging on to the pain doesn’t guarantee protection from future pain. It muddies the water, reduces your clarity and keeps you bound up. It’s like grabbing a hot pot and holding onto it because you don’t want to spill the contents.
You can’t avoid the pain.
You have three choices:
- be sad
- be sad because you kind of let go, hoping it will get better, or
- be sad with a plan so you can get happy.
Try these two simple steps.
Step 1. Acknowledge what that person, thing or experience meant to you out loud. Say thank you for what you gained and then say goodbye. You can make it as an elaborate ceremony as you need to, depending on the strength of the attachment.
The benefit of this step is that you are actively appreciating that it has served its purpose and you are freeing yourself to move on.
Step 2. Put your grieving process on a schedule. Choose a sad memory or a sad song for your trigger. At a set time, play the memory/song over and over until you feel like crying. Cry for as long as you can until the crying stops on its own. Do this every day at a specific time for a set amount of time.
This gives you control and yet forces you to face your feelings simultaneously.
Give it two weeks of consistent practice. Each week you will feel better. Then one day, you will notice that the memory/song trigger has stopped working. The pain will more manageable and the memories will remain.
